Today my heart is heavy

and my hands are shaking. The service starts tonight at 5 p.m., I hope this day drags on forever but I'm sure it won't. This will be the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I'm not sure that I'll be able to contain my tears. I'd like to think that I will never have to do anything harder than this, but sadly I fear that this is not true. I'm sure I'll have to do this again, just as I have before. Everytime I think it's going to be the hardest and last funeral I have to go and it never is.
I don't really even have the time to be typing this out, but eh when have I ever worried about time management before. THe service is today at 5, M's party at school is at 3, her orentationis tonight at 7, the funeral is at 10 tomorrow and Neil and I leave for Vegas at 5. Holy hell when am I going to pack?!